.001 ♑ Audio | Video | Text || Action

[usednightmare]

[The recording begins with sounds of someone fumbling to get a good hold of the PokéGear. Mumbled swearing about buttons and fingers, before for a brief moment a squinting Gamzee can be seen, in all his new found human glory. He doesn't look particularly happy, all things considered. What with the snarl-cum-smile tugging at his lips and making his expression something best described as feral. If you're that observant, you might notice bits and pieces of a Drowzee sharing the screen. A snout by Gamzee's face, and hands on his shoulders, as if trying to reach onto the PokéGear. Also, it seems Gamzee is shirtless for the moment. It's gone soon enough, as he finally figures out the text function. The last shot before the video ends is of him shoving at the Drowzee, expression somewhere between an unpleasant grin and an exasperated snarl.]

this is just a motherfucking joke.
CHOICEST MOTHERFUCKING JOKE OF THEM ALL.
it's all really well fucking done.
ALL THINGS CONSIDERED.
even if it's just a fucking waste of a brother's time.
TRYING TO AVOID THE INEVITABLE.
like it could been fucking avoided.
THEN IT JUST UP AND STOPS BEING INEVITABLE.
so that ain't it, right.
IT BE MORE THAN SMOKE AND MOTHERFUCKING MIRRORS.
or shitty jokes without a decent punchline.
LIKE BEING TURNED INTO ONE OF THE HORNLESS, PINK MOTHERFUCKERS.
it's more like a game to kill time.
AND CONFOUND A BROTHER'S PAN.
shit be all up and understandable now, though.
UNDER MOTHERFUCKING STANDABLE AS IT CAN FUCKING BE.
so let's play the shit out of this game.
BRING THE FUCKING MIRTH AND THE SCREAMING LAUGHS.
and see what kind of joyous carnival you've all got goin on here.

[If you happen to be near New Bark Town, you might have noticed Gamzee. Mostly because he's the half naked kid occasionally headbutting a Drowzee - and deeply regretting it every time he does, turns out human skulls ain't as resistant as troll ones - as his partner helpfully tries to grab his PokéGear and Gamzee tries to make sense of the newfangled technology at his disposal. Also, he's in his underwear, clothes unhelpfully stuck to nearby bushes. Someone had a slight panic upon waking up pink and hornless, alright? Just be glad Drowzee managed to distract him long enough he didn't get to take off his underwear. It might still happen though.]

Comments

[usednightmare]

[...hang on.

Processing.

Still processing.

Gamzee's pan runs on a pirated version of Vista, okay, it takes time.

Processing.

Nope.]

what

text;

[usedshooshpap]

[ bluh... text more effective maybe. ]

I ASKED WHERE YOUR SHIT WAS, NUMBNUTS.
I KNOW I DON'T LOOK *SO DIFFERENT* THAT YOU SHOULDN'T BE ABLE TO RECOGNIZE MY VOICE.

[usednightmare]

hahahahaha.
HEY, BEST FRIEND.
pink suits you nicely.

[usedshooshpap]

BELIEVE ME, IT LOOKS MUCH BETTER ON YOU THAN IT DOES ME.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT CRAZY SHIT YOU'RE UP TO, BUT GET YOUR CLOTHES BACK ON.
YES, HUMAN BODIES ARE WEIRD AND KIND OF DISGUSTING
BUT YOU'LL GET OVER THAT IN TIME, IF THIS PRESENT ITERATION OF YOUR DELIGHTFUL PERSONAGE DECIDES TO STICK AROUND.
THAT LITTLE BEAST WITH YOU? IT'S GOING TO KEEP FOLLOWING YOU, SO DON'T TRY TO EAT IT OR EVEN PUT IT REMOTELY NEAR YOUR GAPING ORIFICE THAT YOU ATTEMPT TO PASS AS A MOUTH.
THEN AGAIN
JUST DON'T DO ANYTHING THAT YOU'D NORMALLY DO.
I REALLY DON'T FEEL LIKE BUSTING YOU OUT OF JAIL UPON OUR FIRST MEETING.

[usednightmare]

[It's too late, Karkat. He's already found out that if you bite a pokémon, they have a tendency to bite back. 's cool tho, he likes the handsy critter.]

don't be all up getting uppity on me now, bro.
AND DON'T BE SUCH A MOTHERFUCKING DRAG ON A BROTHER'S CHEER.
i'm just trying to share a little mirth here.

[usedshooshpap]

IT'S THE ONLY JOB I POTENTIALLY HAVE ANYMORE, GAMZEE.
SQUISHING YOUR "MIRTH" FOR SPREADING BLOODY HUES ON WALLS LIKE A CATERPIE UNDER A BOOT IS THE ONLY THING I POTENTIALLY LIVE FOR.
NOT THAT IT MATTERS, SINCE I'LL BE THERE SOON ENOUGH TO PICK UP YOUR SORRY, HORNLESS ASS.

[usednightmare]

[The fuck are you even talking about, bro. Gamzee takes a bit longer to reply.]

don't give me that motherfuckin shit.
IF IT AIN'T YOUR FUCKIN CALLIN.
then don't preach at me like you mean it.

[usedshooshpap]

AT LEAST NOW I DON'T HAVE TO ASK THE EVER IMPORTANT QUESTION OF "WHEN IN THE TIMELINE ARE YOU FROM."
THAT REACTION SEEMS TO GIVE ME THE MUCH DREADED ANSWER I NEED.
UNFORTUNATELY, IT SORT OF IS MY CALL
OR WILL BE, IN THE FUTURE
WHICH IS WHERE I'M PROBABLY FROM IN RESPECT TO YOUR TIME FRAME.
EITHER WAY, THIS IS ME
GETTING ON MY GIANT ASS AERODACTYL.
GOOD THING I'M ACTUALLY IN GOLDENROD THIS TIME AROUND OR THE TRIP OVER WOULD BE MADNESS PERSONIFIED.
HONESTLY? I CAN'T JUST LEAVE YOU OUT THERE WHERE YOU COULD POTENTIALLY FREEZE TO DEATH EITHER.
I'M NOT ENOUGH OF A DOUCHEBAG TO WISH THAT ON ANYONE.

[usednightmare]

it ain't that fuckin cold

[That is what we call a big, fat lie. His toes are liable to fall off any moment now.]

[usedshooshpap]

AND I'M NOT KARKAT VANTAS.

[usednightmare]

if you ain't then that's okay.
I WILL JUST FUCKING CRACK YOUR SKULL OPEN TO READ THE MOTHERFUCKING TRUTH THERE.
then you'll learn to pretend you're a brother's bro like that.

[usedshooshpap]

YEAH, *THAT'S* ATTRACTIVE.
HAVE YOU BEEN TO THE ROOF OF THE LAB YET?

[usednightmare]

the what

[usedshooshpap]

LAB. ROOF.
THE PLACE YOU TRY TO ESSENTIALLY TRAP THE REMAINDER OF THE LIVING AT.

[usednightmare]

HONK.
don't know what you up and be yappin about, best friend.
:o)

1/2

[usedshooshpap]

[ suuuuure you don't. ]

private

[usedshooshpap]

[ welp. time for a test. ]

<>

1/???

[usednightmare]

[What the ever loving fuck is that supposed to mean?]

[usednightmare]

[...is he fucking serious? Really? Does he think he can just. SEND A DIAMOND OVER AND IT'LL BE OKAY.]

[usednightmare]

[LIKE THIS FUCKING BURNING RAGE CAN BE JUST QUENCHED LIKE THAT? MOTHERFUCKING HEATHEN SHIT, IS HE TRYING TO STAND BETWEEN HIM AND HIS CALLING? IS THAT A THING THE LITTLE FUCK IS REALLY DOING?]

[usednightmare]

[Then again... This is Karkat.]

[usednightmare]

[...if it really is Karkat at all. He's not small and grey and nubbyhorned now, is he?]

[usednightmare]

[Such a pitiful brother, Karkat. With that fucking blasphemous swill flowing in his veins, all sacrilegious and shit.]

[usednightmare]

[No. Wait. Focus. Goddammit, Makara, focus.]

[usednightmare]

[...what was it again? Oh yeah. Karkat. And. Diamonds. And shit.]